CONIFER – “Conifer” CD ’04 (Notcommon, US) – Ok, let’s put the memory machine in gear for good ol’ Ray once again. The year is 1983 or so and some friends of mine & I are in NYC for a record-shopping weekend. Dragging our bags of loot from the day’s haul down Queens Blvd to our hotel, we stumble into a ramshackle diner on a corner. It’s a tiny, rickety-looking place, maybe not even quite clean & we wonder if there’s even the slimmest chance we’ll escape without food poisoning. But of course, there’s the twist you just knew was coming. For $ 5 a piece, we end up with incredible, personable service and, to this day, one of the best meals I’ve ever eaten in my life: course after course of just absolutely killer food, heaping portions, dessert, plenty to drink, the whole nine yards. And for $ 5 in a place that looked like they might need to read the directions on a can of Spaghetti-O’s. And that all brings me to this CD by CONIFER. During a late night search of the internet, I happened upon a little write-up of this band from New England that sounded fair…no biggie, just like something heavy & worth checking out. So, tired & probably not thinking straight, instead of writing as a “zine-type” looking for a promo, I went into the “merch” section just to scope out the price…which ended up being $ 7…including postage!!! I immediately figured I’d read wrong and this was an EP, so I went back & checked, but no... “full length,” it said. And so, still with reservations, I hit the “buy” button. I figured, ok they’re going to send this 4th class, so I’ll get it in about a week. Damn if it didn’t show up in the mailbox 2 days later. I figured, ok I’ll stick it in the player. Damn if it didn’t light my face on fire, fan the flames then stamp the blaze out with cinder block. My God, this is as heavy as HELL!!! If you are into the lords of crushdom like High On Fire, Sleep, older Neurosis, Pelican, etc. then you need look no further for your next damn fix than this nasty sucker!!! I don’t know what it is about nature, but it sure as hell is taking over as the heaviest stuff around. I mean, Pelican, Mastodon, Wooly Mammoth, well now we’ve moved from fauna to flora with CONIFER and, as my ol’ bud Rudo Anvilmeister from Suck City used to say, this is one goddamn 8-cent tree stump! Shit, the first song here is enough to throw it’s hat into the ring (sheesh, ring…like growth rings in a tree…ok, Ray, stop!) for track of the year. This is the 23+ minute “Troy / Land Mammal.” Opening with an extended, bizarre intro featuring a myriad samples/noises, it finally lumbers into action around the 6 minute mark and after a gradual build up, proceeds to march across your face with nuclear tank-treads. Mostly instrumental, the guitars pummel like virulent melted lead and the drums announce themselves like cannons, all the while touched with a good bit more melody than you might expect. There is a short section of screamed, agonized vocals that is no less than brutally effective. Following is another massive pulveriser, the 10 ½ minute “Turning Sand Into Glass.” Reminding me in title of something Paul Chain would come up with, it is also ironically something that would sit very comfortably on that Italian God’s “Alkahest” epic. Stunning. A relative shorty at 5:51, “Widowmaker” draws it’s strength from it’s more subdued, undistorted nature…but, incredibly, it’s no less “heavy” in it’s own way, reminding me a bit of some early work from Swedish heavy-prog band Anekdoten, so taut and tense it is, like a piano wire. At last CONIFER finishes things off with “Albuquerque Reprise.” This 8 minute crowbar-to-the-head includes vocals, once again pain-wracked and highly convincing screaming, laced over a torrent of absolutely brain-bashing guitar riffs that just never quit in their Grand Leveller intensity, all finally seething to a close with more restrained effex. To say that this is massive and easily one of the best musical meals you’ll eat in 2004 may even be an understatement. My money says it’s on the jukebox in that diner on Queens Blvd right now. Devour!!!
www.coniferkills.com
www.notcommonrecords.com
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