These are from what I believe to be a list of (really) bad character descriptions from online play-by-post games and/or MUDs. They can be found here:

http://www.mataglap.com/baddescs.html#22


Read'em and weep (my comments in bold):


Look out, ladies and dudes.

"very not Gay":

[Name] is a man and he is a very hansome and manly man.He likes women a lot and women like him too but men think he is compitishion.He has very long brown shiny hair everywhere and a little blue eyes that are mostly green but very hansome anywya.You can tell a lot of things from his eyes.He has a very big bulge in his jeans where the dick would be and it is not a sock because it makes all women almost orgasm with desire.Behind him is a very firm muscled ass that makes you wantto slap it and play with it in lots of ways but only if your a women.If you area man you will die if you touch it because [Name] is strong and very not Gay.If you are a women he winks and smiles at you and thinks you have a nice personality.If you are a man again he frowns at you and it makes you not hit on him or on any women when hes here.He likes lots of women very much and likes very few men but not as boyfriends.And he has a shitr which is nice and blue.I mean shirt sorry.

I wish I had a nice shitr.


"her body unable to keep them all inside":

A young girl, no more than seven or eight years old in age. She's short and slender, built like an exuisitely delicate flower. Her long, flowing hair tumbles down to her waist in soft curls and is as beautiful as spun gold. Her eyes, soft orbs of cornflower blue, look out at the world with serine innocence. She's currently naked, her young body completely exposed before you. Her frame is thin, if a bit underweight, but her body is far, far overdeveloped.
A pair of breasts, obscenely huge orbs that rival beach balls in size, hang off her tiny body. Springing out from her bald mons is yet another obscene sight, three huge cocks in a V shape, hanging down over her crotch. When erect, they reach truely bizarre porportions. The center cock, several inches in diameter, reaches up to right in front of her mouth, bouncing around and knocking her lips and nose as she walks. The other cocks on the side are slightly shorter, only coming up to her overly large nipples, and are slightly thinner as well.
Hanging below these is a huge ballsac, completely devoid of hair like the rest of her body. It looks like it holds at least three tennis ball sized testicles inside. Despite this, her sex is still small and tight, softly bulging between her legs. Dripping out of her, from her nipples, cocks and cunt, are her sexual fluids, her body unable to keep them all inside.

Calm down, Pedobear.


"He is to powerful for you, or anyone else":

A powerful being stands before you. He has the legs of a spider, the tail and lower body of a rattle snake, the stinger of a scorpion at the end of his tail, and the Chest, arms, neck, and head of a man. He isn't wearing a shirt. His Abs glisten with sweat that drips from his strands of dark blond hair. You stare in awe as he flexes his mighty muscles. He hath physical power to destroy Pure Admantium steel alys with the flick of a finger. He can lift over the weight of all the universe without breaking a sweat. He has many mantal and emotional powers. He has some little X-tras as well. He looks at you, his eyes glowing and you are hypnotized for a moment, in a nice, good, happy way. He is to powerful for you, or anyone else. The only power greater than his is the infinite power of the almighty God, Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit!

Oh noes!


And, of course, a furry to make everyone else feel normal.

"churning constantly with cum":

Sie stands about 2 meters high at the upper shoulders, and 6 meters long. Hir fur is a pure white color. One unusual thing, is that sie seems to fluctuate between normal proportions, and extremely disproportionate. Hir neck is about 2' long. On hir head, sie has a pair of small rounded ears, 4 luminescent blue eyes, and a slender murine muzzle. Extend from hir mouth, are a few long thick phallic tentacles. Sie has 3 pairs of arms. As you gaze along hir chest, you notice 3 pairs of breasts, each about 8' in diameter, with a 4' long, 4" thick pink nipplecock jutting out. Each nipple throbs and pulsates occasionaly spouting out a stream of hot shiny black cummilk. Hir upper belly is about 10' across, looking very full, pulsing in an odd rhythmic manner. Rising from between hir forelegs, is a 6' long, 6" wide red cock, lined with purple veins, black cum welling from the tip.
Hir forsac holds a pair of 6' diameter balls, churning constantly with cum. Hir taurhalf stands on 4 pairs of legs, spaced out about 2 meters apart. Along hir taurchest, are another 3 pairs of breasts, each the same size as hir upper chest, swollen with milk, and sporting a puffy pink vagina instead of nipples. Hir taurbelly is swollen full, a 15' wide sphere,rippling whenever sie moves. A 6' thick cock spans along hir underside, from hir hindegs, pushing out from under hir foresac. The head of the erect cock resembles that of a weasel, with black eyes, a twitching nose, soft fine teeth, small rounded ears, and luxurious pink fur along its body, and drooling black cum. Hir sheath is stretched out by an 8' wide knot. Hir hindlegs are splayed by a sac containing 4 huge balls. each about 10' in diameter, swollen with cum, which hir weaselcock can spit at will.
Sprouting from each of hir upper shoulders, are a cluster of long pink tentacles, reaching 20', and tipped with fully functiona cocks. A 2nd cluster is located at hir taurjoint. Starting between each of hir ears, and continuing to hir lower back, is a series of 3' long, erect cocks, black cum spurting out fitfully from the phallic spines. Flowing from the base of hir spine, are innumerable tails, pink and furless. The tails end in thick dripping cocks.
If you were to look at hir from the rear, you'd find a huge gaping vagina spanning the area between hir rump and hir hindsac. Black fluid pours out constantly from the tunnel, which seems to go on with no end in sight. Turning your attention back to hir, you notice something else. Odd buldges form and travel about hir body, as though things were moving around inside hir skin. Sie seems to be in a constant state of bliss.


WTF.

people like this should be found and neutralized without fault.

This furry apparently listens to a lot of death metal.

"This is just a torso":

You saw right. This is just a torso, the head, arms, legs, and even tail of the girl having been removed in some manner that leaves the stumps covered in soft, downy fur and smooth white skin.
The fur on the torso is a dusty brown, a swath of white fur travelling down neck, breasts and tummy to the groin. And what breasts they are, each one lush and round, capped with a pink nipple. If the girl had a head, they would be bigger than it. The torso's form is curvaceous, legless hips flaring out, and the pink folds of the sex apparent in the white fur.

you're a closet text role player, arent you?

thegreatspaldino said:

Strictly tabletop, son, strictly tabletop. These people are way too weird for me.

This link is, in turn, from an rpg.net thread about "The creepiest person you've ever gamed with," which is good for a few lulz itself:

http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?t=133489

This is, apparently, a "prequel" to the scary giant pen0r/vag/dragon thing above.

And, yes, "unbirthing" is exactly what you think it is.

"each being sie unbirths":

****'s lusts have pushed hir far beyond hir limits, each being sie unbirths now adding to an immense battery of energy that has changed the dragoncat, forcing hir to evolve to survive the massive energies of hir guests. Sie has been pushed even further now, thanks to the relentless input of energies from beings like **** and ****, pushing hir evolution further and futher. Hir womb now pulses with immense energies that sie is only beginning to control. But with those energies comes the hunger for more.

Sie has managed to gain enough control over hir power to control hir form to a degree, and has compacted hirself from hir normal 200 foot tall frame down to just 5 feet tall. However, hir proportions remain exactly the same as hir massive form. Hir legs have become long and more muscular, with reddish scales showing through the fur when hir muscles move and flex. Hir rear remains shapely and taut. However, hir tail has changed quite a bit, thickened and muscular, and covered in scales, more like a dragons tail than a cats. Its long, long enough to trail behind hir on the ground.

Hir belly is huge, large enough to rest firmly on the ground. It ripples constantly with its contents, hir kits. The current litter consist of ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, and ****! You swear you can almost hear moans of pleasure inside, as if all the motion were caused by an unending, unyeilding orgy.

Between hir legs, for those brave enough to look up, hir sex has undergone some changes as well. First off, sie has finally become a hermaphrodite, sporting a massive shaft, pressing tightly to the undercurve of hir belly. It is perpetually hard, more than a foot in length itself, drooling pre from the tip to matt the fur of hir belly. Sie does in fact sport a pair of hefty testicles in hir scrotum, which actually GLOW with a portion of the male energies hir body is unable to bleed off. All the power of the males sie takes end up here, and this organ has become potent indeed.

Just below and behind that is hir femsex. It seems to shift and move of its own accord, opening and closing, like a hungry mouth. The scent of honeysuckle is overpowering, and alluring. ****'s pheremones have become VERY strong, and to inhale too deeply of them is to become hir willing sex toy. If sie wishes, sie can increase the potency of hir fragrance, driving those around hir mad with lust. You look higher, eyes following hir curved hips to hir chest, where four massive breasts, each the size of beachballs sit. The lower pair rests against hir belly, the upper pair against the lower, all four impossibly firm and well-formed, jiggling against each other and fighting for room on hir still-crowded chest. Hir proportionally tiny nipples leak a steady stream of milk which leaves a wet stain on hir luxurious fur, revealing the scales beneath.

Hir face has changed subtly as well, hir expression more predatory, hir eyes glowing with the inner fire of all that magic, now coursing unheeded through hir. Hir teeth are sharper, fangs longer, and a pair of dragonlike horns extend from hir head, curving back over hir skull. hir tongue has become long and agile, now nearly a foot long with fully extended, as sie shows by licking the very tips of the horns on top of hir head.

hir wings have changed the most. Once huge bat-like wings, they have erupted, becoming feathered wings made of fire. Each feather is like a seperate, delicate flame that does not burn flesh, but instead ignites passion within any who touch them.

hir entire body glows subtly, and all flaws and blemishes have left hir. hir fur is the softest any fur could hope to touch, hir body warm to the point of almost being hot. sie moves seeming unencumbered by hir bulk, graceful and light on hir feet.

Sie turns and sees you staring, a grin crossing hir face. I need... more... come to me and feed me... sie says, licking hir lips and smiling.

I BET THESE TOTALLY USELESS PEOPLE ARE WHITE