Nice, gas-filled ones, too. Figured I'd keep count. No little blips or blurps, nice floooorrrrgg sounding ones.
According to an old episode of Beakman's World, the average person farts 10-15 times a day? I'm assuming that was a joke?

Maybe 10 of those farts are unbeknownst even to oneself.

dude ive probably farted at least 20 times today... just a turd honking for the right of way

I crop dusted myself last night. It woke me up.

It's slowed down a little bit. I'm around 31 right now. I had a meeting and squeeked a couple through there, nothing drastic though.
Nothing better than eating a whole can of baked beans at 11PM the night before.

You must have a good diet.

i didn't drink last night so my fart count is low today, usually i expel my body weight in flatus. farting makes my life complete.

Potentially epic thread is going places. Pretty heavy beer drinker right here so I can claim my fair share, fo sho'.

I had 3 beers and a can o' beans last night for dinner. I've counted up to 43 farts today, and it's only 3pm. It's definitely slowed down but I've never counted my farts before so this should be interesting.

No, that's about accurate. 26 farts in an hour isn't a bad sign. It's a little unusual but in a really good way. Hopefully you have someone to share those farts with. Or multiple someones.

Fuck you Beakman, the average person doesn't live on a diet of beer, beans, beef, and spices, only the enlightened ones.

Of course. I'm in an office right now. Actually, I let a REALLY loud one rip about 10 minutes ago. The lady next to me glared at me, but that's okay. She's a Christian.

amen.

haha those are the best, when you feel your belt loosen.

Who wants to be average anyway? RISE TO THE TOP ARIL!

haha propel your way to a higher state of being.

The trick to making them silent is to spread your ass cheeks a little as you let the PUFF noise out. works great in social situations.
I had lunch with a few office girls today and they were totally oblivious to the fact that I was farting the whole time.

a true fartform.

I've mastered the muscle clentch to hold it in until the time is right, then let it out smooth and slow. Hasn't failed me yet, but I've had some close calls.

The best farts are when you're positioned strange in a chair, and they travel down your asscrack and out the front.

Isn't holding in flatulence bad for your colon and lower intenstines?

lol what? Wait, I think I get it, you're saying the chair acts as a deflector and the stream ricochets forward?

LOL @ you guys being 20 posts deep in Aril's colon.

Precisely. You mean you've never experienced a frontal fart?

Maybe, if you hold it too long, you'll lose it. But if performed correctly, it does get released eventually, soon after infact, and no one's the wiser.

Your farts were by far the worst I've ever had to smell in my life. Seriously man, Indian Food + DYA = armageddon of the nostrils. Nothing like going trough band practice with some ear plugs in my nostrils too

actually if you hold it long enough it can escape through your lungs because it gets absorbed back into your blood stream. you can also burp it out. just ask FIMS.

hahaha...so true

We forced-fed him a Jamaican jerk pork sandwich that was made of fire, too spicy for mortal men...luckily I wasn't there for the aftermath.

Raunchy thread is raunchy

Now we're getting into DYA's colon.

Yeah, my butthole swore vengeance against Jesse that night. Three bites was about all I could manage of that monstrosity, and it was enough to produce this effect:

the worst thing ever was when I drank chinese mustard. that stuff did NOT come out nicely

Here you can get these shredded fish strips, like beef jerky, that people chew when drinking beer. Do not go there, I almost made this mistake last night and it didn't end well.

Taco Bell and Sam Adams beer late at night.

Quality entertainment the next day for sure with that one.

I'm past the 50 mark. 51 farts today. This is insane!

i wonder if there's a guiness record for this?

i've been here for 32 minutes and have farted about 12 times.

this is only a prolem to whomever is with you.

and my chair.

it's called digestive enzymes. you have none. fermentation is your friend--which is not good. the "wind" is the result of fermentation-- i.e., undigested food solids.....you're pH is prob wayyyyy off on the acidic side as well, keeping things even more funky.
your gallbladder is spanked and your pancreas is gasping for help. no stress though, obama will make sure you will have HEALTH CARE, if you cant afford it..i'll be forced to pay your end of the bargain--if i refuse to pay my end, he will access my bank account and take it, whereupon i will move to british columbia. catch my drifffft?

man, way to rain all over the fart parade.

Hitler had a farting problem too, no kidding! I guess this makes you a fascist, you fascist you!

i don't know why, but "Hitler had a farting problem" made me laugh so hard. someone should start a prog band called Hitler's Farting Problem.

Haha

this thread is still alive? I'm ashamed to have created it. I had SERIOUS gas the other day. It ended up going in the 70s. not sure how much I farted in my sleep though

Haha
Scent of a Führer

Huffy Hitler & The Flatulent Fascist Fiasco

maybe i'll dedicate my life to showing the softer side of Hitler by exposing his farting problem. i wonder how many times he farted during his speeches when he was freaking out. or if he just continuously farted all day and night.

that brings a real, honest, new meaning to the term 'gas chamber'

HIYOOOO