Legit question for the board, a married woman asked me out for drinks, what should I do? Thoughts?

Marriage

Prof. 'Abdur Rahman I. Doi Professor and Director, Center for Islamic Legal Studies,
Ahmadu Bello University, Zaira, Nigeria.

Importance of Marriage in Islam

Allah has created men and women as company for one another, and so that they can procreate and live in peace and tranquility according to the commandments of Allah and the directions of His Messenger. The Quran says:

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect." [Noble Quran 30:21]

"And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best." [Noble Quran 16:72]

These verses of the Noble Quran clearly show that in contrast to other religions like Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism etc. which consider celibacy or monasticism as a great virtue and a means of salvation, Islam considers marriage as one of the most virtuous and approved institutions. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) declared, "There is no monasticism in Islam." He further ordained,

"O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty." [Al-Bukhari]

Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet. He said, "Modesty is part of faith." [Al-Bukhari]

The importance of the institution or marriage receives its greatest emphasis from the following Hadith of the Prophet,

"Marriage is my sunnah. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me."

With these Quranic injunctions and the guidance from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in mind, we shall examine the institution of marriage in the Shari'ah.

The word Zawaj is used in the Quran to signify a pair or a mate. But in common parlance it stands for marriage. Since the family is the nucleus of Islamic society, and marriage is the only way to bring families into existence, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) insisted upon his followers entering into marriage The Shari'ah prescribes rules to regulate the functioning of the family so that both spouses can live together in love, security, and tranquility. Marriage in Islam has aspects of both 'Ibadah (worship) of Allah and mu'amalah (transactions between human beings).

In its 'Ibadah aspect, marriage is an act pleasing to Allah because it is in accordance with his commandments that husband and wife love each other and help each other to make efforts to continue the human race and rear and nurse their children to become true servants of Allah.

In its mu'amalah aspect, marriage being a lawful response to the basic biological instinct to have sexual intercourse and to procreate children, the Shari'ah has prescribed detailed rules for translating this response into a living human institution reinforced by a whole framework of legally enforceable rights and duties, not only of the spouses, but also of their offspring.

These aspects are beautifully explained in a tradition of the Prophet. It is narrated by Anas that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

"When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion because it shields him from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality etc., which ultimately lead to many other evils like slander, quarreling, homicide, loss of property and disintegration of the family. According to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) the remaining half of the faith can be saved by Taqwa.

Conditions of Marriage

Careful consideration of the Quranic injunctions and the traditions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) clearly show that marriage is compulsory (wajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the Mahr (dowry) and to support a wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may be tempted to commit fornication (Zina). It is also compulsory for a woman who has no other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable (Mandub).

However, according to the Maliki school, under certain conditions it is obligatory (fard) for a Muslim to marry even if he is not in a position to earn his living:

If he fears that by not marrying he will commit fornication (Zina).

If he is unable to fast to control his passions or his fasting does not help him to refrain from Zina.

Even if he is unable to find a slave girl or a destitute girl to marry.

However some jurists suggest that if a man cannot procure a lawful livelihood, he must not marry because if he marries without any hope of getting lawful bread, he may commit theft, and in order to avoid one evil (his passions) he may become the victim of another (theft).

The Hanafi school considers marriage as obligatory (fard) for a man:

If he is sure that he will commit Zina if he does not marry.

If he cannot fast to control his passions or even if he can fast, his fast does not help him to control his passion.

If he cannot get a slave-girl to marry.

If he is able to pay the dowry (Mahr) and to earn a lawful livelihood.

Marriage is forbidden (Haram) to a man, according to the Hanafi school, if he does not possess the means to maintain his wife and children or if he suffers from an illness, serious enough to affect his wife and progeny.

It is not desirable (makruh) for a man who possesses no sexual desire at all or who has no love for children or who is sure to be slackened in his religious obligations as a result of marriage.

In order that problems should not arise after marriage the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) recommended that, in the selection of his bride, a man should see her before betrothal lest blindness of choice or an error of judgment should defeat the very purpose of marriage. But this "seeing" is not to be taken as a substitute for the "courtship" of the West. The man should not gaze passionately at his bride-to-be, but only have a critical look at her face and hands to acquaint himself with her personality and beauty. However, if a man so desires, he may appoint a woman to go and interview the proposed bride, so that she may fully describe the type of girl she is.

Since believing men and women are referred to in the Quran, a woman also has the right to look at her potential husband.

The special permission for men and women to see each other with a view to matrimony does not contravene the code of conduct for believing men and women to lower their gaze and be modest which is laid down in the Noble Quran:

Ijbar: A Safety Valve

The consent of both the man and the women is an essential element of marriage, and the Quran gives women a substantial role in choosing their own life partners. It lays down:

"Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner." [Noble Quran 2:232]

However, Imam Malik, one of the four great Imams of the Sunni schools of Islamic jurisprudence, gives a slightly restrictive interpretation to this verse and makes the choice of partner by a Muslim girl subject to the over-ruling power or ijbar of her father or guardian in the interests of the girl herself.

It may sometimes happen that in her immaturity or over-zealousness, a girl may want to marry a man about whom she has distorted information or who does not possess good character or who lacks proper means of livelihood. In such a case, it is better, or rather incumbent upon the girl's father or guardian, that, in the wider interests of the girl, he restrains her from marrying such a worthless man and finds a suitable person to be her husband. Generally speaking, such marriages arranged by fathers and guardians work better than a marriage brought about through western courtship.

The case of Abu Juham bin Hudhaifah and Mu'awiyah ibn Abu Sufyan is relevant here. They proposed marriage to Fatimah bint Ghaith. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised Fatimah not to marry either of them on the grounds that Mu'awiyah was then a pauper and Abu Juham was cruel and harsh. So she married Usamah.

The Free Consent of the Parties

The Quran [4:21] refers to marriage as a mithaq, i.e. a solemn covenant or agreement between husband and wife, and enjoins that it be put down in writing. Since no agreement can be reached between the parties unless they give their consent to it, marriage can be contracted only with the free consent of the two parties. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

"The widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until their order is obtained, and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained." [Bukhari]

This aspect is greatly emphasized by Imam Bukhari. He, in fact, gave one of the chapters in his Sahih the significant title:

"When a man gives his daughter in marriage and she dislikes it, the marriage shall be annulled." Once a virgin girl came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said that her father had married her to a man against her wishes. The Prophet gave her the right to repudiate the marriage. [Abu Dawud]

Divorced women are also given freedom to contract a second marriage. The Noble Quran says,

"And when you divorce women, and they have come to the end of their waiting period, hinder them not from marrying other men if they have agreed with each other in a fair manner." [Noble Quran 2:232]

With regard to widows, the Quran says,

"And if any of you die and leave behind wives, they bequeath thereby to their widows (the right to) one year's maintenance without their being obliged to leave (their husband's home), but if they leave (the residence) of their own accord, there is no blame on you for what they do with themselves in a lawful manner." [Noble Quran 2:234]

Thus widows are also at liberty to re-marry, even within the period mentioned above; and if they do so they must forgo their claim to traditional maintenance during the remainder of the year. However, it must be remembered that the power of ijbar given to the a father or the guardian by the Maliki school over their selection of life- partner obtains in all the situations considered above, namely, whether the daughter or the ward is a virgin or divorcee or widow.

Prohibited Marriage Partners

Under the Shari'ah, marriages between men and women standing in a certain relationship to one another are prohibited. These prohibited degrees are either of a permanent nature or a temporary. The permanently prohibited degrees of marriage are laid down in the Noble Quran:

"And marry not those women whom your fathers married, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Lo! It was ever lewdness and abomination, and an evil way. Forbidden unto you are your mothers and your daughters, and your sisters and your father's sisters and your mother's sisters, and your brother's daughters and your sister's daughters, and your foster-mothers and your foster-sisters, and your mothers-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your mother-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom you have gone into -- but if you have not gone into them, then it is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) -- and the wives of your sons from your own loins, and that you should have two sisters together, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Allah is ever-Forgiving, Merciful." [Noble Quran 4:22-24]

From the above verses, it is clear that a Muslim must never marry the following:

His mother

His step-mother (this practice continues in Yoruba land in Nigeria, where in some cases the eldest son inherits the youngest wife of his father)

His grandmother (including father's and mother's mothers and all preceding mothers' e.g. great grandmothers)

His daughter (including granddaughters and beyond)

His sister (whether full, consanguine or uterine)

His father's sisters (including paternal grandfather's sisters)

His mother's sisters (including maternal grandmother's sisters)

His brother's daughters

His foster mother

His foster mother's sister

His sister's daughter

His foster sister

His wife's mother

His step-daughter (i.e. a daughter by a former husband of a woman he has married if the marriage has been consummated. However, if such a marriage was not consummated, there is no prohibition)

His real son's wife

A great wisdom lies behind these prohibitions on the grounds of consanguinity, affinity, and fosterage. No social cohesion can exist if people do not keep these prohibitions in their minds while contracting marriages.

Temporary prohibitions are those which arise only on account of certain special circumstances in which the parties are placed. If the circumstances change, the prohibition also disappears. They are as follows:

A man must not have two sisters as wives at the same time nor can he marry a girl and her aunt at the same time.

A man must not marry a woman who is already married. However this impediment is removed immediately if the marriage is dissolved either by the death of her former husband, or by divorce followed by completion of the period of 'iddah (retreat).

A man must not have more than four wives at one time. This impediment is, of course, removed as soon as one of the wives dies or is divorced.

A man must not marry a woman during her 'iddah.

Regarding this last prohibition, the Quran expects Muslims to act with the utmost propriety and righteousness. It lays down:

"...but do not make a secret contract with them except in honorable terms, nor resolve on the tie of marriage till the term prescribed is fulfilled." [Noble Quran 2:235]

This means that a man must not make a specific proposal of marriage to a woman during the time of her 'iddah after the death of her husband or an irrevocable divorce. However, he can send a message saying, for instance, "I wish to find a woman of good character". But if a woman is in the 'iddah of a divorce which is revocable where raja' (return) is possible, a man must not send her even an implied invitation to marry him, because she is still considered as the lawful wife of the first husband. In fact, this restriction is most beneficial because it prevents a man from becoming an instrument of breaking up a family where there are still chances of reconciliation between the wife and husband even though they are moving away from each other.

Two Suitors Seeking to Marry the Same Girl

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) disapproved of two persons competing with one another to secure marriage with the same girl. This is because such a situation is likely to develop bitter enmity between two Muslim brothers.

The Prophet said,

"A believer is a brother of a believer. Hence it is not lawful for him to bargain upon the bargain of a brother, nor propose for (the hand of a girl) after the marriage proposal of his brother, until the latter (voluntarily) withdraws the proposal."

Imam Abu Hanifa, Imam Shafi'i, and Imam Malik, all hold the view that it is a sin to put a proposal of marriage against the proposal of another Muslim brother. However, if a marriage is contracted in this wrongful way it will be sufficient if the second suitor who was successful seeks the forgiveness of the first suitor and of Allah. But Imam Dhahiri considers such a marriage void. It is respectfully submitted that the former view is more rational and sound.

shutup conservationist

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher

Question:

Please forgive me for asking you the same question, I am quite desperate for an answer and this is why I am asking you once again. Please will you kindly find time to answer my question - jazak Allah khairun; I would very much like to know the opinion of the shaykhs about what the Quran and the Sunnah say about disabled or special-needs children. My knowledge about Islam is average and I have learnt a great deal from your site, as this is a personal area for me and as my family (particularly my mother) is very upset that both my children are autistic. Although I have explained that they are indeed a test from Allah I need more than this to console her, I have also said that this is probably Allah’s way of telling us that their condition could have been worse but Alhamdolillah it isn’t and we have to abide by Allah’s decisions. Please will you kindly explain to me why Allah has chosen every one to be different (in my mind I know why) but I need the words of someone who is greater in knowledge.


Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful


Dear Sister,

Assalamu alaikum,

I pray this message finds you and your family in good health and strong iman.

As the mother of an autistic child, I can truly understand what you’re going through. Unfortunately, the Muslim community is largely unaware of the existence of special-needs children. It is imperative that the families of children who are on the autism spectrum educate the community about autism and related developmental disabilities.

First off the bat, it is so important that you see your child, not a disability. Do not get caught up in labels. A child who is autistic may display a wide range of behaviors that fall on a spectrum. Autism is not static. It describes certain challenges that a child may face at a certain point in his or her life. Every child is at a different place on this spectrum. Some children are higher-functioning than others; however, each child has certain abilities and strengths which can be developed, no matter where he or she is on the spectrum (Chantal Sicile-Kira, Autism Spectrum Disorders).

Second, NEVER be ashamed of your children or their diagnosis. They’re still your babies and they’re still God’s gift to you and your family. A friend of my mother calls my son, “My Jannah baby.” What she means is that special-needs children are a way for parents to go to Jannah. Children with disabilities are very close to Allah Ta’ala as many of them never have the capacity to do any wrong. Some children with disabilities will always remain in a very innocent state, and, therefore, will not be held accountable, unlike typically-developing children. If we, as parents, raise our children with love and patience, thanking Allah for this opportunity, not being resentful, and giving our children the best we can give them in terms of treatment and care, then they are a means to Paradise. Who are we to grumble and complain, “Why me?”
“Why not me,” should be the question. Every person on the face of this earth is tested in a certain way. If this is the test Allah has chosen for us as parents in the autistic community, then so be it.

Third, you raise a really good point. Allah Ta’ala could have chosen to test our babies with leukemia and other childhood cancers, He could have chosen for them to have cerebral palsy, He could have chosen for them to die in the womb or in infancy. He could have chosen a physical disability rather than a neurological or cognitive disability. There are so many children whose diagnoses are far more severe. So rather than looking at children who are typically developing, we should look at those who have been challenged far more severely than our own children. This makes us grateful and makes us more compassionate.

Fourth, it is not right for your mother to be upset about your children. As parents, we don’t make our children autistic. So the blame game should not even be played. We don’t blame God, we don’t blame Mom, we don’t blame Dad. We accept our children for who they are. Why waste time being angry and resentful when there’s so much work to do?
I completely understand that as parents of children with disabilities we go through a grieving process. This is only natural. All of us have certain expectations for our children. And when we don’t see those expectations being met, we mourn. So when we get the official diagnosis, we should allow some time for grieving. But it should be a healthy grieving that lets us accept our children, embrace them for who they are, adjust some of our expectations if necessary, and then channel all of our energy into finding the best treatments out there.

I met the nicest non-Muslim couple who have a 30-year old son who is autistic. My husband and I were desperately seeking advice. So the first question we asked them was, “Is there a process of grieving?” They said, “Yes, but, ultimately, there’s no time for grief. You take that energy and move. You take action.”

This leads me to my fifth point. As Westerners, we have a lot to be grateful for because there are so many different treatments and therapies available for special-needs children. These options simply don’t exist in other parts of the world. The family I talked to had to search high and low to get their son his diagnosis over 20 years ago, and this was right here in the U.S. But in the last two decades, enormous advances have been made in the diagnosis and treatment of autism spectrum disorders.

Sixth, I return to the issue of education. We must educate the Muslim community about the autism epidemic. Currently, 1 in 150 American children has been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. Boys, in particular, are the hardest hit, with 1 in 94 boys being affected by this disability. 67 children are diagnosed every day. (See autismspeaks.org). Autism is a pervasive developmental disorder that impacts speech, communication, and social skills. However, autism is not the same as mental retardation. It is not a punishment from Allah. It is not the fault of the mother. It is a complex spectrum of disorders that involves the neurological, cognitive, and vestibular systems, and is thought to have environmental, biological, and genetic bases. We need to do all we can to raise autism awareness through participating in fund-raising, autism walks, charitable activities, and general autism education.
As a Muslim mother, I feel very lonely sometimes. However, I know that I have the resources of the larger non-Muslim community and I know that I have the responsibility to educate my fellow Muslims about autism. Sometimes, people can be incredibly insensitive towards special-needs children. This goes for both Muslims and non-Muslims. However, this should only increase our resolve to spread awareness.

Seventh, special-needs children are unique. As with typically-developing children, every special-needs child has his or her own personality, temperament, strengths, and abilities. Every child has his or her God-given potential. This is from the mercy of Allah and one of the signs of His strength that He created such diversity among human beings. We should rejoice in the creative power of Allah and accept His qadr, or decree, for us. I believe that Allah created disabilities so those of us who are able-bodied would not become complacent and ungrateful. Taking care of a child with a disability brings out the best and most compassionate in all of us. So many of the things that parents of typically-developing children take for granted, we have to fight and struggle for. I think this helps us draw closer to the All-Merciful, the Forbearant, and the Loving.

And as to your question about what the Shuyukh say, all I can share with you is what I have learned from them. The Shuyukh I met were all compassionate, recognizing that each child is created differently. They all advised me to read lots of Qur’an to my son, and for my son. I was given Qur’an for my son to wear, since in the words of Allah, there is healing. Recite the Surahs of protection frequently over your children. Strive to keep a halal household, with halal food and income. Make sure your children always see you praying. Surround them with Qur’an, dhikr, salawat, and nasheeds.
Shaykh Nuh Keller advised me to be aware of the environmental roots of autism, such as pollutants, chemicals, heavy metals, and immunizations. He talked about giving my son the best tarbiya (rearing and training) possible since this is my child’s right, disability or no disability.


And, above all, there is love. Love your children. Don’t let them see you or anyone else get angry or resentful because this will hurt them and they will blame themselves. Even if they can’t articulate it, they know when people are upset. And it affects them. Deeply. Laugh with them, smile, kiss them, hug them and let them know how loved they are. And they will respond. Don’t buy into that myth that autistic children cannot show affection. That is a lie. They love you more than you’ll ever know.

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Name of Questioner: Muslim
Reply date: 2013/10/16
Question: Dear Sheikh, As-Salamu \'alaykum. I would like to know if it's OK to dress like a clown for an \'Eid festival. Does the origin of the clown character go back to an evil character in history? Jazakum Allah khayran.

Wa \'alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear brother in Islam, we commend your eagerness to become well acquainted with Islam and its teachings, which is the way Allah has chosen for the welfare of His servants.

First of all, we'd like to stress that in Islam, the \'Eid is a day of joy, thanksgiving, worship, brotherhood, solidarity, and morality. A Muslim should take advantage of this day to bring himself nearer to Allah, Most High. Muslims should enjoy the \'Eid in a lawful way and contribute to bring happiness and cheerfulness to all Muslims particularly, children on that day.

As regards your question, the eminent Muslim scholar, Dr. \'Ali Jum\'ah, Mufti of Egypt, states the following:

Muslims are permitted to have a happy time and enjoy the \'Eid with customs including permissible forms of dancing, singing, and beating the tambourine provided that there is no mixing between men and women. When Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) entered the house of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) on the day of \'Eid, he found two young girls playing music and singing. Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) asked them, "Are you doing this in the house of the Prophet? How come?" But the Prophet (peace and blessing be upon him) told Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) to leave them, for \'Eid is a day of merriment and joy.

\'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) was allowed to watch the Abyssinians do their war dance in the mosque. Imam Muslim reported on the authority of \'A'ishah: “Some Abyssinians came and gave a demonstration of armed fight on the \'Eid day in the mosque. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) invited me (to see that fight). I placed my head on his shoulder and began to see their sport till it was I who turned away from watching them.”

There was a person known as "the arrows player" who used to make a demonstration by playing with arrows. Nu\'ayman used to move the Prophet to laugh and smile with his funny words and movements.

Therefore, there is nothing wrong with wearing a certain dress that makes the children happy and cheerful, particularly on the day of \'Eid. As for the history of the dress of a clown, it appeared in the West but there is nothing wrong with wearing it for Muslims on such happy occasions as the two \'Eids.

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Are all cheese Halal?
Ingredients called enzymes are needed to make cheese. Three enzymes used to make cheese are pepsin, lipase and rennet. These enzymes can be from animal, vegetable or microbial sources. Animal sources include pigs and cattle. Pepsin is derived from pigs, and is Haram. Lipase derived from pigs or cattle are Haram. Lipase from cattle slaughtered according to Islamic requirements or lipase produced by micro-organisms is Halal. Rennet is derived from the stomach of calves. If the calf was slaughtered according to Islamic requirements, the rennet is Halal. Microbial enzymes are not derived from meat and are Halal. Cheese products manufactured with microbial/bacterial cultures are Halal. Most cheese products do not list the source of the enzyme. Call the food manufacturer to find out the source of the enzyme. In addition, it is possible that the source may change without notification.

Are all dick Halal?
No.

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Please help me for fining the truth.In Bukhari sharif hadesh no-4170 & 4171,said that anal sex is halal/jayaj.

But you said (in mail a & q)that its haram.Now i'm confusied.
I want to know what's the truth?Is anal sex haram or not?please response my quetion.


Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

There are many saheeh ahaadeeth which show that anal intercourse is haraam, such as the following:

1 – It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage has disavowed himself of that which was revealed to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).” Narrated by Abu Dawood (3904); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

2 – It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will not look at a man who has intercourse with a woman in her back passage.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1165); classed as saheeh by Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eid in al-Ilmaam (2/660) and by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

3 – It was narrated that Khuzaymah ibn Thaabit (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah is not too shy to tell the truth” three times. “Do not have intercourse with women in their back passages.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah (1924); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.

And there are many similar ahaadeeth. Al-Tahhaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Sharh Ma’aani al-Athaar (3/43): The reports concerning that reach the level of tawaatur. End quote.

Hence the views of the scholars are based on these ahaadeeth.

Al-Maawardi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Haawi (9/319):

Because that is the consensus of the Sahaabah. It was narrated from ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas, Ibn Mas’ood and Abu’l-Darda’. End quote.

It says in al-Mughni (7/32):

It is not permissible to have intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage according to the majority of scholars, including ‘Ali, ‘Abd-Allaah, Abu’l-Darda’, Ibn ‘Abbaas, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr and Abu Hurayrah. This was also the view of Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyab, Abu Bakr ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan, Mujaahid, ‘Ikrimah, al-Shaafa’i, ashaab al-ra’y and Ibn al-Mundhir.

We have discussed this in some detail previously on this site; please see the answers to questions no. 1103 and 52803.

Secondly:

Some people imagine that it is permissible to have intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage. They understand from the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223] that Allaah has permitted everything in this verse, even intercourse in the back passage. This misinterpretation is reinforced for them when they read the hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari in his Saheeh – and perhaps this is the hadeeth referred to by the questioner – in which it says: It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Jews used to say that if (the man) had intercourse from behind, the child would be born with a squint. Then the verse “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223] was revealed.

But this is a misunderstanding of the verse. Allaah says “so go to your tilth when or how you will” which means that all variations of intercourse are permitted, so long as it is in the place of tilth, i.e., the vagina, not the back passage. So it is permissible for a man to have intercourse with his wife from behind or from in front or lying on their sides so long as it is in the place of tilth and not the back passage.

The evidence for that is Muslim’s report (1435) of the hadeeth of Jaabir quoted above about the reason for the revelation of this verse, in which it says: If he wishes, when she is lying on her front and if he wishes when she is not lying on her front, so long as that is in only one opening.

In Abu Dawood’s report of the same hadeeth (2163) it says: It was narrated that Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir said: I heard Jaabir say: The Jews say that if a man has intercourse with his wife in her vagina from behind, the child will have a squint. Then Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223].

In Sunan al-Tirmidhi (2980) in a report which he classed as hasan, it was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: ‘Umar came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allaah, I am doomed! He said: “Why are you doomed?” He said: I changed my direction last night. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not say anything. Then this verse was revealed to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. So approach from the front or the back, but avoid the back passage and the time of menses. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

These ahaadeeth and reports explain what is meant by the verse. So it is not permissible for the Muslim to go beyond that and understand it in ways that are not indicated by the reports or by linguistic usage.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Zaad al-Ma’aad (4/261):

The verse indicates that it is haraam to have intercourse with her in her back passage for two reasons. The first is that it is permitted to have intercourse with her in the tilth, which is the place of birth, and not in the anus which is the place of filth. The place of tilth is what is referred to in the verse “then go in unto them as Allaah has ordained for you”. [al-Baqarah 2:222].

The second reason is that Allaah says “when or how you will” i.e., however you wish, from the front or from the back. Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “go to your tilth” means the vagina. End quote.

Thirdly:

Perhaps the question is also referring to what al-Bukhaari narrated from Naafi’ from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him): “so go to your tilth when or how you will”; he said: “He may approach her from …”

Ibn Hajar said in Fath al-Baari (8/189):

This is how it appears in all the texts. It does not mention what comes after the word “from”. End quote.

And he quoted what is mentioned in some reports elsewhere than in Saheeh al-Bukhaari, that Ibn ‘Umar said: He may approach her in her back passage.

But the scholars answered that in two ways:

1 – That it was a mistake on the part of some of those who narrated it from Ibn ‘Umar, and they understood from it that it was permissible to have intercourse in the back passage, when in fact he was narrating that it is permissible to have intercourse with one's wife in her vagina from behind, based on what is mentioned in saheeh reports from him that he regarded it as haraam to have intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage. And al-Nasaa’i narrated in al-Sunan al-Kubra (5/315) with a saheeh isnaad that Ibn ‘Umar was asked about that and he said: Would a Muslim do that?!

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Tahdheeb al-Sunan (2/146):

It is narrated in a saheeh report that he interpreted the verse as referring to intercourse in the vagina coming from the back, which is what was narrated from Naafi’. Those who thought that Naafi’ improved of intercourse in the back passage are gravely mistaken; rather what he meant was having intercourse from the back in the vagina. Thus they were confused when they thought that when he said “from the back” he meant the back passage; but what he meant by that was coming from the back but putting it in the place of intercourse, namely the vagina. Those people were confused when they understood the words of Naafi’ “from the back” as meaning “in the back (passage)”. End quote.

The second answer is:

That this was ijtihaad on the part of Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) about the meaning of the verse. The Sunnah and the views of all the Sahaabah indicate that it was an incorrect ijtihaad. Abu Dawood (2164) narrated, in a report that was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, that Ibn ‘Abbaas said:

Ibn ‘Umar – may Allaah forgive him – imagined, and this was a tribe of the Ansaar who had been idol-worshippers, along with this tribe of the Jews, who were people of the Book, and thought that they (the Jews) were superior to them in knowledge; they used to follow their examples in many of their deeds.. The people of the Book did not have intercourse with their wives except on their sides, and that was most concealing for the woman. This tribe of the Ansaar had adopted that from them. And this tribe of Quraysh used to make the woman lie in whatever position they wanted and enjoy them in various ways. When the Muhaajiroon came to Madeenah, one of their men married a woman of the Ansaar, and he went to do that with her but she objected and said: We have intercourse lying on our sides, so do that or keep away from me. Their problem got worse until news of that reached the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]., i.e., from the front or the back or lying, meaning the place of birth.

This could support the reports that Ibn ‘Umar used to say that it was permissible to have intercourse in the back passage, but then perhaps he came back to the correct view, after Ibn ‘Abbaas or someone else explained to him the reason why this verse was revealed and what its correct meaning was. Hence it is proven – as stated above – that he said that it was haraam, and he said: Would a Muslim do that?!

To conclude: Islam forbids this action, and there is nothing to indicate that it is permissible. The one who thinks that there is anything in the Qur’aan and Sunnah to indicate that is mistaken.

And Allaah knows best.

I said yes, will play it by ear and see what happens.

Don't forget what I said. You get in bed, you nail her till she's screaming like a banshee!!!

HAIL AND SUPPORT

71170: Ruling on animated drawings (cartoons)

What is the ruling on animated cartoons that are shown to children? Do they come under the heading of images that are forbidden in Islam?.
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is well known that Islam has forbidden image-making, drawing and sculpting every animate being that Allaah has created; there are stern warnings issued to those who do that.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The most severely punished of the people on the Day of Resurrection will be the image-makers.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5950) and Muslim (2109).

See also the answer to question no. 7222 and 39806.

Islam makes an exception from this prohibition in the case of images with which children play.

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came back from the campaign to Tabook or Khaybar, and in her alcove there was a curtain. The breeze came and lifted the edge of the curtain, uncovering the “daughters” of ‘Aa’ishah, i.e., her dolls. He said: “What is this, O ‘Aa’ishah?” She said: “My daughters.” And among them he saw a horse with two wings of cloth. He said: “What is this that I see among them?” She said: “A horse.” He said: “What is this on it?” She said: “Two wings.” He said: “A horse with wings?” She said: “Have you not heard that Sulaymaan had horses with wings?” She said: And he smiled so broadly that I could see his eye teeth.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4932), classed as saheeh by al-Iraaqi in Takhreej al-Ihya’ (2/344) and by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajr said in Fath al-Baari (10/527):

This hadeeth is taken as evidence that it is permissible to have dolls and toys for girls to play with. This is an exception to the prohibition of images. This was stated by ‘Iyaad, and it was narrated from the majority that they allowed the sale of toys and dolls so that girls might learn from a young age how to take care of their houses and their children. End quote.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: What is the ruling on cartoons that appear on TV?

He replied:

With regard to the cartoons which you say appear on TV, if they are in the form of humans, then the ruling on watching them depends on whether they come under the same ruling as realistic human images or not? It is most likely that they do not come under that ruling.

If they are not in the form of humans, then there is nothing wrong with watching them, so long as they are not accompanied by anything haraam such as music and so on, and they do not distract from obligatory duties. End quote.

Majmoo’ al-Fataawa 2/question no. 333

Secondly:

The issue of animated drawings and cartoons is one of the most serious educational issues, because of the immense effect that these films have on children’s developing characters, and because they have become a primary educational tool in many countries nowadays.

At this stage the heart and mind of the child is like a blank page; nothing crosses it but it leaves an imprint.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Tuhfat al-Mawdood (240):

One thing that the child desperately needs is for care to be taken with regard to his morals and attitude, for he will grow up with whatever the one who is raising him accustoms him to when he is small, and when he grows older it becomes difficult for him to change what he has got used to; these attitudes and characteristics that have become deeply ingrained in him, even if he tries to suppress them, they will always surface and expose him. End quote.

These are some of the positive effects of children watching these programs:

1 – They give children a great deal of educational information in an easy and enjoyable manner. Some cartoons focus on particular geographical areas, and others focus on scientific matters, such as the parts of the human body, which gives the child advanced knowledge at an early age.

2 – They develop the child’s imagination and nourish his abilities, and they develop the imagination in a way which helps the mind to grow and prepare it to be innovative and teach the child new ways of thinking and behaving.

3 – They teach fus-ha (classical) Arabic which children usually do not hear at home or even at school. It is well known that teaching the child correct language is one of the aims of education.

Ibn Taymiyah said in Iqtida’ al-Siraat al-Mustaqeem (1/207):

It should be noted that becoming accustomed to the language has a powerful effect on one's thinking, attitude and religious commitment, and also has the effect of seeking to follow the example of the early generations of this ummah, the Sahaabah and Taabi’een. Seeking to follow their example increases reasoning, religious commitment and good attitude. Moreover, the Arabic language is part of this religion, and learning it is obligatory and essential. End quote.

4 – They meet some psychological needs and have a beneficial effect, such as compassion, love, honouring one’s parents, competition, striving for success and meeting challenges and many other positive attitudes that can be instilled via cartoons.

There are also some negative effects that come from watching these programs:

1 – The negative consequences of watching TV in general, of which there are many such as: damage to the eyes, getting used to laziness and inactivity, getting used to passive reception and not participating. It also stunts natural development of knowledge, because knowledge is acquired by learning, researching and seeking, but the television replaces seeking with mere receiving. Watching TV also weakens the bonds of love between family members, when they let watching shows keep them from speaking to one another.

Ibn al-Qayyim said, discussing the parent’s responsibilities in raising the child in Tuhfat al-Mawdood (241):

He should avoid letting him became lazy and inactive, and should teach him the opposite. He should not let him rest for more than he needs to refresh his body and soul for more work, for laziness and inactivity bring bad consequences and will end in regret, but hard work brings good consequences, either in this world or in the Hereafter or in both. End quote.

2 – They present beliefs and ideas that are contrary to Islam, as some movies include mixing and display of charms (tabarruj) that are haraam. Some cartoons, such as Tom & Jerry, give distorted ideas about the Hereafter, Paradise and Hell, and the Reckoning. Some cartoons include distortions of the stories of the Prophets and Messengers, and some poke fun at Islam and Muslims, whilst others (such as Pokemon) include the beliefs of eastern and idolatrous religions. And there are many other examples. Even if a film does not outwardly go against Islam, it still carries notions of western culture that are alien to our society and religion.

Dr. Wahbah al-Zuhayli said in Qadiyat al-Ahdaath (6):

With regard to children’s programs and some adults’ programs, they propagate the spirit of western culture and promote western traditions, and they attract people to western-style parties and clubs.

One of the effects of this culture is the adoption of imaginary examples instead of following the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), his companions, the scholars and the mujaahideen. So children start to imitate Superman, Batman and Spiderman and other imaginary characters who do not exist, and they lose out in following the real example, as they get confused by so many imaginary examples who have no faith.

See: Wasaa’il al-I’laam wa’l-Atfaal: Wajhat nazar Islamiyyah by Abu’l-Hasan Saadiq and the article entitled Athar al-Rusoom al-Mutaharrikah ‘ala al-Atfaal by Nizaar Muhammad ‘Uthmaan.

After stating the positive and negative aspects, the Islamic attitude should be clear in sha Allah. The more negative points there are, the closer the ruling is to stating that it is haraam, and the more it is able to avoid the negative aspects, the closer it is to being permissible. This tells us that it is essential to establish companies that will produce Islamic cartoons by means of which all positive virtues may be instilled and all harmful and evil aspects can be avoided.

And Allaah knows best.

shutup fagget infidel